A researcher specializing in narcissism and psychopathy shares six things empathic people rarely do in relationships – but narcissists do.
They don’t mistreat the individuals who’ve been there for them.
People with empathy are in a position to construct strong, authentic connections with others. They have a way of natural reciprocity toward those they bond with. Narcissistic individuals who lack empathy also lack a way of relational “constancy,” in that they’re in a position to devalue others on the drop of a hat in response to a perceived slight to their ego or when their sense of entitlement is challenged. For example, an empathic husband or wife wouldn’t suddenly run off with their secretary or a lover after fifteen years of marriage and abruptly begin to shower all their attention and affection onto a recent person while neglecting the spouse who did a lot to construct them up. Most empathic people would feel terrible in the event that they mistreated or callously neglected someone who was there for them — narcissists gladly bite the hands that emotionally feed and nourish them.
They don’t repeatedly harm you if you’ve told them to stop.
Empathic people exit of their strategy to respect your boundaries and emotions; narcissistic people discover a thrill in trespassing the boundaries you express to them. An empathic person doesn’t must be told a thousand times to not step on their toe. You could tell a narcissistic person the identical even only once and inside five minutes, your foot could be in a forged due to how over and over they excitedly stepped on it. Similarly, if you happen to tell a narcissistic person to stop making cruel jokes at your expense, or stop flirting with their ex, they are going to double down on their harmful behavior relatively than stopping. It is akin to a bit of kid having a sulky tantrum and going into the cookie jar if you’ve told them several times to not – except, the narcissist is a full grown adult and is completely accountable for their behaviors.
They don’t arrange bizarre, perverted competitions or love triangles. They don’t try to impress jealousy or insecurity on purpose.
Research indicates that each narcissistic and psychopathic individuals provoke jealousy on purpose to realize power and control — some achieve this with a view to exact revenge, test the connection and a few vulnerable narcissists may do also so to compensate for low self-esteem. An empathic person would make you are feeling irreplaceable and appreciated; a narcissistic person will take every opportunity to attempt to pit you against other people for his or her attention.
They don’t use your fears, traumas, or insecurities against you.
If you express a fear to an empathic person or disclose a trauma, they’re not going to make use of it as ammunition against you in a while or weaponize it to belittle you. For example, if you happen to tell an empathic person who a mutual friend hurt you or betrayed you, they’re not going to comfort you, only to be seen out partying with that very same friend the following day. Or if you happen to share with an empathic person the way you fear being abandoned, they’re not going to present you the silent treatment immediately afterward. Narcissists will gladly befriend those that’ve harmed you or provide you with the silent treatment simply to rub salt on the wound and see the way you react.
They don’t stonewall or give the silent treatment, especially to individuals who have helped them.
Speaking of the silent treatment and stonewalling, empathic people don’t engage in these manipulative tactics and behaviors (this is just not to be confused with going no contact with a toxic person—in those cases, that’s only a setting of healthy boundaries with an abuser). If they wish to have a constructive, open discussion with you, empathic people will achieve this without a problem, sharing their thoughts and feelings with transparency and integrity. They will take accountability if needed and incorporate healthy feedback whether it is relevant. Narcissistic people however are hostile to accountability and feedback. Rather than mindfully engage in a constructive discussion, they like to disregard those that hold them accountable, stonewall and shut down conversations before they start and punish those that give them feedback on their harmful behaviors — irrespective of what that other person has done for them.
They don’t goal and punish innocent individuals who’ve never done anything to them, while rewarding those that’ve done nothing for them.
You won’t see empathic people targeting innocent individuals who did nothing to them to attempt to demean them unprovoked, while suddenly praising and uplifting individuals who did nothing for them simply to attempt to make you jealous. This kind of behavior is exclusive to narcissists and psychopaths who show pride and duping enjoyment of creating love triangles and competitions. For example, let’s say you’ve been generous towards a friend who’s secretly envious of you. If they’re a narcissist, relatively than being grateful on your generosity, they might start spreading rumors about you or praising one other friend in front of you (who has not been half as generous) in an absurd try and attempt to make you are feeling inferior. An empathic person however would reciprocate your generosity gladly and direct their attention to those that’ve been kind to them, relatively than punish innocent individuals who don’t deserve cruelty.
