It is amazing to me how God divinely orchestrates our path. At just the precise time, in only the precise place, He has a way of arranging encounters with just the precise people. This has been my experience throughout my writing journey with this topic of finding healing after divorce. I even have been entrusted with opportunities I consider “God winks” to share my testimony of finding healing after my very own divorce in conversations with women who’re currently going through a divorce or are newly divorced.
I do know the devastation of divorce. I understand the hurt and pain that can’t be articulated with words. I also bear witness to the incontrovertible fact that God could make beauty from ashes. When we’re open to releasing our fragile hearts back to God, in exchange, we receive healing accompanied by joy, restoration, peace, and hope.
We read these words of comfort from Isaiah 61:3 (NLV): “To those that have sorrow in Zion I’ll give them a crown of beauty as an alternative of ashes. I’ll give them the oil of joy as an alternative of sorrow, and a spirit of praise as an alternative of a spirit of no hope. Then they will probably be called oaks which are right with God, planted by the Lord, that He could also be honored.”
When you might be within the thicket of loss, grief, and ashes, imagining that any beauty can emerge could be difficult. After all, no two people ever enter a wedding with the goal of getting a divorce. Despite the various dynamics that will test the connection’s solidity, the intention is at all times to have a wedding that endures the test of time. When divorce occurs, it may literally feel as in case you are grieving the death of a one that is not any longer physically present with you.
Yet, God is at all times with us. God is at all times present in our lives. God at all times cares about what concerns us. Never far removed, but because the psalmist in Psalm 46:1 (ESV) reminds us, “God is our refuge and strength, a really present assist in trouble.” We can cling to the incontrovertible fact that God guarantees never to depart or forsake us, irrespective of what life throws at us. And yes, even the fact of divorce.
Sweet friend, I would like you to take heart today within the all-sufficiency of Jesus. May this moment be your reminder you might be still God’s beloved. He still has a plan to your life, and it is gorgeous. God can redeem all things, even the trauma of divorce. There is healing after the havoc it reeks. Weeping may endure for an evening, but joy at all times is available in the morning (see Psalm 30:5). The sun will shine again in your world. You will live again, laugh again, and possibly even love again. By God’s grace, you’ll know what it means to authentically smile from the within out. And just possibly, you will even genuinely shed joyful tears of joy and gratitude as you realize God wastes nothing.
As I reflect upon being “single again” for twenty years now, I can testify without reservation that Ecclesiastes 3:11 is true: “He has made every little thing beautiful in its time…” I’m living proof that God has an exquisite way of creating all things latest and causing every little thing to work together for our good and His marvelous glory. If you end up navigating the torrential waters of divorce, look to Jesus – not other substitutes or distractions – but look to Jesus. He guarantees to be your peace amid the storm. I’m praying to your healing because I do know God to be a healer in my life. Divorce will not be too big, hard, or complicated for God to handle. Give yourself grace, patience, and kindness each day as you walk through your healing. Rest in the arrogance that God has got you in His hands. You remain in His grip, and He won’t allow you to go.
I’m honored to share some application that has helped me, and I sincerely pray it is going to be a blessing to you too. Here are three practical ways you possibly can take part in your healing process as you journey through and navigate the aftermath of divorce.
1. Take Time for Yourself
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You need time to decelerate and process. Allow yourself to regulate your pace on this latest season and simplify your lifestyle. You need time to acknowledge your feelings (hurt, anger, resentment, betrayal, disappointment, rage, etc.) to yourself and God. And by the way in which, God is large enough to handle your most real, raw feelings.
You need time to be alone along with your thoughts and never be flooded with the opinions or expectations of others. Part of processing involves self-reflection and evaluating what you probably did mistaken as a spouse, not only your partner. We have to be willing to be honest about how we contributed to the condition of the failed marriage and own it. An actual assessment will involve transparency regarding what we could have or must have done otherwise and what lessons we’re learning so that we are going to not repeat them again.
As you are taking time for yourself, don’t fall for the enemy’s deceit that influences you to show away from God. Instead, run to God! Choose to be higher, not bitter. Divorce calls vulnerability to the surface, but we must call upon the name of the Lord to rescue us. When we turn to God, He is faithful to strengthen and deliver us.
Psalm 18:1-2 (NKJV) tells us, “I’ll love You, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I’ll trust; my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.”
Taking time for yourself will not be about living on your personal terms but living intentionally with complete dependence upon and trust in your God. He won’t ever stop to be our Savior and Lord. Nevertheless, we must remain open (heart and mind) and yield to the leadership of the Holy Spirit that desires to guide us and help us every step of the way in which.
2. Seek Godly Support
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Although taking time for yourself is crucial, it doesn’t mean living in isolation. We all need community, especially when going through a tricky time. Divorce is a big life change that impacts every a part of you – present and future. Having the precise spiritual influences through pastoral counseling, Christian counseling, divorce care support groups, divorce small group Bible studies, and trusted Godly friends and mentors will make all of the difference as you undergo one in all the toughest moments of your life. The people God connects us to through these various influences are sometimes instrumental in our healing. They are the vessels God uses to facilitate our healing in a single regard or one other.
Embrace the people who find themselves positioned to walk this road with you. Those God has connected you to will truly love you throughout your healing process by speaking the reality to you in love. They could have a heart of compassion and empathy to your unique circumstances. They will probably be sensitive to the Spirit of God and permit their words and actions to be saturated with grace and wisdom. They will probably be the hands and feet of Jesus that show His heart for you. They will help to bring perspective and remind you, “This too shall pass.” Embrace your God-ordained tribe (or find your people) that may push you thru and cheer you on to the opposite side of your victory.
3. Wait to Date
As tempting as it might be, wait before you begin dating again. Yes, you’ll feel lonely after divorce; that is normal. When you integrate your life with one other person over any length of time, it feels odd not having another person around. However, loneliness mustn’t be a motivating factor that leads you to start dating again.
In my book, Living My Best Life, a significant theme throughout is learning find out how to embrace God’s gift of singleness. Even when divorce will not be something you initiate or desire, once your reality, we’ve to contemplate God has a purpose in allowing us to experience being single again. It is straightforward to lose ourselves or our identity in a wedding. Being single challenges us to hunt solace in God alone and find completion in who we’re in Him, not our marital status. This is really a present to be appreciated and enjoyed.
I don’t recommend starting to this point until you might have successfully undergone Christian counseling. Focus as an alternative on recalibrating your relationship with God and grounding yourself in Him. Remember, God still has specific assignments which are a part of your destiny here on earth. A divorce doesn’t get to cancel out your purpose. You are usually not damaged goods in some way disqualified due to a divorce. You have a shiny future and a fantastic life promised to you right away.
There are gifts, talents, and talents God has bestowed upon you that the world needs. So, take this time to fall in love with Jesus all all over again, rediscover your God-given purpose, and follow hard after God. Then, when the time comes, your potential love will find you pursuing God, which will probably be his cue to pursue you.
You cannot rush ready, and you possibly can’t rush healing. Divorce doesn’t mean you might have lost time to make up. You are still on God’s divine calendar. You are usually not second class or second best, so don’t be tricked that that you must jump right into a relationship or settle because, in some way, you might be running out of time now.
All of those are lies the devil will attempt to appeal to you. But you should remember, every little thing will occur in line with God’s perfect will for you. Just let it occur in God’s way. You shouldn’t have to govern or help God out. Entrust Him along with your process, and God will bring all of it to pass on the appointed time. God makes all things well with and for us. He heals us in order that we’re whole. Trust God every step of the way in which.
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