All weddings are comfortable. It’s living together afterward that causes all the difficulty.
Mrs. Billy Graham was asked, “Have you ever considered divorce?” “No,” she responded. “Murder persistently but never divorce!”
It sometimes appears like my marriage is that this tiny outpost in the midst of enemy territory, and the enemy is shooting at us from every side! This world isn’t the friend of marriage. The excellent news is that God is the friend of marriage. Marriage is God’s plan, his idea, and his design.
I do know you’re identical to me. You want an amazing marriage, but you might feel that your marriage has endured an excessive amount of pain and that there isn’t a hope of improvement. But, regardless of where you’re or where you may have been in your marriage, the remainder of your marriage could be the very best a part of it.
Dan and I even have been married for 46 years. Our marriage is stronger and higher than it has ever been. Let me share a few of the keys to a healthy marriage God has taught us along the way in which.
Key one: When the going gets tough, the tough stay right where they’re!
Ephesians 5:31 “For this reason a person will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the 2 will turn out to be one flesh.”
An essential key to a successful marriage is commitment. The Spanish explorer Cortes knew what commitment was. He insisted on it from his men once they landed in Mexico to invade the land of the Aztecs. Sensing the crew’s fear and hesitation, he gathered all of them onshore and set fire to the ships. Cortez turned to his men and said, “Now, there could be no turning back.”
That is the sort of commitment we want in our marriages. But unfortunately, we live in a world of “throw-away” marriages. If it doesn’t work, we throw the connection away and find one other, but Jesus is big on commitment. Jesus told a parable a few man who found a precious pearl in a field. The man immediately sold every part he had to purchase the sector so the pearl can be his. Of course, he can be left with nothing if the pearl was worthless. But he was willing to take the chance.
For marriage to be what God designed it to be, we must decide to be committed to our mate and our marriage. Commitment isn’t based on feelings. Feelings cannot construct a solid marriage. Love isn’t the premise for marriage. Marriage is the premise for love.
Hold on to your commitment to God. Hold on to your commitment to your marriage.
Key two: Accept your mate and alter yourself.
Colossians 3:13-14 “Bear with one another and forgive whatever grievances you could have against each other. Forgive because the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues placed on love, which binds all of them together in perfect unity.”
The marriage relationship has a particular dynamic. If one person in the connection changes, the entire relationship changes. We keep attempting to be sure that that our mate is the one which changes.
I approached marriage and my recent husband like buying an old house. I could not wait to see it remodeled. Wasn’t Dan fortunate to have married the Holy Spirit? I attempted to vary him. I just wanted Dan to be more like me! I learned that we could be different without being right or unsuitable!
We have to have fun our differences. Differences can either rip us apart or add great flavor to a relationship. Unfortunately, the things we try so hard to vary are the very things that attract us to our mates in the primary place.
He was once carefree. Now he’s irresponsible.
He was once determined. Now he’s stubborn.
He was once more concerned about inward qualities than outward appearances. Now he’s sloppy.
Acceptance and approval are two various things. What would occur if you unconditionally accepted your mate? What would occur if we took the energy we wasted trying to vary him and used it to vary our lives?
Accept your mate. Ask the Lord what must be modified in your personal life.
Key three: Spend time alone along with your spouse.
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Amos 3:3 “Can two walk together except they be agreed?”
Weeds spring up overnight, however it takes years for a mighty oak to grow. So likewise, an amazing marriage takes numerous exertions and time. We have three selections about time. We can waste it, spend it, or invest it. Busyness builds a schedule but destroys the family. A crazy life schedule has at all times been a battle for Dan and me.
When our kids were young, we saw our marriage and kids being swallowed up in a busy schedule. We were doing wonderful things. But, unfortunately, they only weren’t the very best things. So we made a vital decision. We would give ourselves one 12 months to make drastic changes or leave the ministry. We selected to not sacrifice our marriage or our kids on the altar of a ministry or church.
We began taking a day without work each week. Monday is my day with Dan. We sometimes buy groceries or out for lunch, where we talk – setting goals, planning, dreaming, and examining our marriage to make sure we’re on solid ground.
We began scheduling time away. Every two or three months, we make a plan to get away – alone. Then, when the pressure is off, we’re different! It is one strategy to keep the romance alive in our marriage!
We began setting aside time at the top of the day to speak. This time became a necessary a part of our every day schedule. We talked in regards to the day and shared whatever was on our minds, making a connection time. Doing so kept us on the identical page and was a powerful statement to one another and our kids in regards to the importance of our marriage.
We learned to be a part of one another’s world. I started reading the books that interested Dan. I went with him to conferences. I started to check Dan – his needs and interests, frustrations and dreams, fears and hopes. I do know. We often say we haven’t got the time or money, but we’re saying that it isn’t vital enough to learn tips on how to be a part of our mate’s world. But, if it is crucial, we’ll discover a strategy to do it.
We all exchange our lives for something. But we want to be sure that that the exchange is value it!
Key 4: Guard your mind.
Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brethren, in any way is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable – if anything is great or praiseworthy, take into consideration such things.”
Don’t allow anything or anyone into your life that can undermine your marriage.
-movies
-soap operas
-romance novels
-discontented friends
When we invite this stuff into our life, we’re setting our marriage up for failure. In the early years of our marriage, I used to be hooked on soap operas. I told the lady on television to go away her rotten husband and run off with the handsome man. Needs improvement!
For the sake of our marriage, we must guard our minds.
Key five: Learn to fight fair.
Ephesians 4:29 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what helps construct others up in line with their needs, that it could profit those that listen.”
Wow! That’s a tall order, is not it? But God never asks us to do anything that he is not going to empower us to do. For much of our marriage, I even have tended to shove my anger down until some final straw makes me each hysterical and historical. Not anymore. Here are some suggestions which have helped me learn to fight fair.
-Pray. Bathe your conversation in prayer and ask God to offer you the proper words to say
when you must have a difficult conversation along with your mate.
-Pick a time and place that is nice for him. That means picking a time and place to offer your conversation the very best likelihood of succeeding.
-Begin and end with affirmation.
-Be willing to just accept blame.
-Express hurt – not hostility.
-Stick to the topic at hand. Don’t drag up every hurt from the past that you may have buried.
-Avoid using the words “never” and “at all times.”
-Be solution centered.
-Understand that restoration – not winning – is the goal.
-Get outside help for those who need it. That could also be a mature Christian couple or knowledgeable.
A wedding is simply nearly as good because the communication between husband and wife – especially when fighting fair.
Related: Learn to Fight Fair in Marriage
Key six: Discover your mate’s language of affection!
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Isaiah 35:3-4 “Encourage the exhausted, strengthen the weak, say to those with an anxious heart ‘Take courage, fear not!'”
Every husband and wife has alternative ways of giving and receiving love.
Touch
Verbal
Service
Gifts
Time
My dad died once I was 4 years old. My mom showed her love for me by serving. So I grew up believing love is demonstrated by cleansing the home, buying groceries, doing the laundry, or cooking meals.
Doing this stuff for Dan showed him that I loved him – right? The only problem was that I needed to make use of the right language. His language is touching and telling.
But since I had been molested as a toddler, I had trouble with communication and intimacy. So we had problems. When Dan hugged me and told me he loved me, I at all times thought he wanted sex. If he really loved me, he would clean the garage.
It is like going to a foreign land and insisting that the people there speak my language. It won’t work.
Learn your husband’s language of affection and turn out to be fluent in it!
Key seven: Become your partner’s strongest fan.
Hebrews 3:13 “Encourage each other every day.”
Every man should give you the chance to trust his wife and what she says about him, and each wife should give you the chance to trust what her husband says about her.
We should count on one another to be a cheerleader!
Don’t criticize your mate to your folks or members of the family. You will get to the place of forgiveness, but your loved ones and friends may not. And don’t criticize your mate to your kids. I do know that is difficult. But it is true.
Make an inventory of your mate’s good points after which broadcast them!
Psalm 141:3 “Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord. Keep watch over the door of my lips.”
I once read, “Dear Lord, help me to bridle my tongue in order that on judgment day, I is not going to be guilty of assault with a deadly weapon!”
Don’t be a dream-buster. Be a dream-sharer. Ladies, in case your husband is leading you in what you’re feeling is the unsuitable direction, your selections are:
-To leave him.
-To stay and make life miserable for everybody.
-To say to him,” I’m committed to you. I disagree with you, but I’m with you!”
Then turn your dream and him over to God, who can bring the 2 together in a unbelievable way.
Key eight: Laugh so much.
Proverbs 17:22 “A cheerful heart is nice medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”
We must not get so serious about life that we lose our joy. We should remember what it means to laugh, play, and feel like a toddler again.
The best marriages take numerous work, but we want to balance that work with fun. The more difficult the wedding, the more vital it’s to have a good time. Laughter brings healing. Humor could be a bridge over frustrating circumstances.
God wants our homes to be living illustrations of him! God wants marriage to show His love.
What alternative or commitment do you must make in your marriage? He stands able to empower that commitment. God wants your marriage to succeed, and he wants you to search out joy in your marriage. So make that commitment today, after which trust him to do it.
Related Resource: Check Out Our FREE Marriage Podcast!
Listen to our recent, podcast on marriage: Team Us. The best marriages have a teamwork mentality. Find practical, realistic ideas for strengthening your marriage. Listen to an episode here, after which head over to LifeAudio.com to envision out all of our episodes:
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Mary Southerland can be the Co-founder of Girlfriends in God, a conference and devotion ministry for girls. Mary’s books include, Hope within the Midst of Depression, Sandpaper People, Escaping the Stress Trap, Experiencing God’s Power in Your Ministry, 10-Day Trust Adventure, You Make Me So Angry, How to Study the Bible, Fit for Life, Joy for the Journey, and Life Is So Daily. Mary relishes her ministry as a wife, a mother to their two children, Jered and Danna, and Mimi to her six grandchildren – Jaydan, Lelia, Justus, Hudson, Mo, and Nori.
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