How is that narcissists and psychopaths can love bomb their partners so heavily, only to suddenly withdraw, devalue, or try and “replace” one person with one other? Why do you are feeling just like the narcissist or psychopath not “sees” you, is tired of you or that you simply stop to exist while you challenge the narcissist’s ego by standing up for yourself? Psychologists have a surprising answer to those questions.
You’ve heard of the phrase, “out of sight, out of mind.” But did you recognize it applies to the mindset of narcissistic and psychopathic individuals? Object constancy is a term to explain the power to keep up a consistent perception of objects or people no matter whether or not they are physically present or if there are changes to their behaviors, emotional states, or appearance. For example, children exhibit object constancy after they begin to understand that when their parent has left the room, they’ve not abandoned them and can often return. Adults have an expanded sense of object constancy of their relationships, as they’re able to still maintain bonds and relationships to people even during minor, temporary conflicts or experiencing emotions of being upset on the person. Psychologists have suggested that narcissistic people can have a distorted sense of emotional “object constancy,” in relationships, which implies they will devalue people they once placed on a pedestal quite easily because they refuse to carry the simultaneous state of loving and maintaining a bond with someone, while also being upset with them.
However, as a researcher specializing in narcissism, I might say it’s more accurate to incorporate that not only do narcissists have a distorted sense of object constancy, in addition they lack empathy and have an excessive sense of entitlement. These are the driving forces behind their harmful and aggressive behaviors. “Out of sight, out of mind” applies to them emotionally because if their ego is harmed or sense of entitlement rattled, they start to devalue the very partners they once love bombed heavily without much empathy or remorse, not caring how constructing a detailed relationship with someone after which suddenly pretending that person doesn’t exist may affect the opposite person.
Why Narcissists and Psychopaths Love Bomb People Intensely, Only to Devalue Or Seemingly “Replace” Them
This lack of object constancy, lack of empathy, and distorted emotional permanence can be what drives narcissistic and psychopathic people to pit people against one other and maintain a harem of individuals to “play” with. They appear to devalue other people on the drop of a hat to pursue someone or something they deem more novel or exciting at a moment’s notice. Narcissists do that because they’re interested in status and prestige, so that they’re at all times looking out for individuals who can boost their image. They place people into categories of “high value” and “low value” based on what these people can do for them or offer to them on the time. That is why it could seem arbitrary and off-putting after they once put you on a pedestal, making you are feeling vital and cherished, only to suddenly pursue one other goal.
People who were married to narcissistic individuals can attest to the shock and betrayal they experienced, when, after being the item of the narcissist’s affections and hyperfixation, they were suddenly devalued or triangulated with one other goal. Or, partners of narcissists share how they experienced the trend, gaslighting, stonewalling or silent treatment of the narcissist after they stood as much as the narcissist, since the narcissist doesn’t allow themselves to maintain each states of, “I still have a detailed relationship with this person and love them,” and “They have hurt my ego,” in mind at the identical time. Narcissistic individuals often opt to focus as an alternative on how that person has challenged their ego and entitlement, relatively than concentrate on how this bond may be improved with their partner’s feedback, or create a good stronger bond with more trust and vulnerability.
The Psychopath’s Boredom
Psychopaths take it even further, as they’re susceptible to boredom and sensation-seeking: in consequence, they turn out to be easily irritated and bored of the people they could have spent months or years constructing close bonds and relationships with. Their lack of emotional depth implies that while these bonds may feel and look very close and intense and particularly feel that solution to the person being love bombed, psychopaths can still grow bored of them, regardless of how exciting or wonderful their partners are or how much ecstasy the psychopath derives from love bombing people. To the psychopathic individual, such bonds are merely alliances that may be devalued or discarded at a moment’s notice when the goal does something to challenge their sense of superiority, and while each narcissists and psychopaths benefit from the euphoria of affection bombing their targets, they are sometimes seeking novelty, even after they are in loving relationships with incredible people. The partners they love bombed often express the sentiment of, “I don’t know the way this happened. They were so dedicated to the connection and to me one minute. Then suddenly they’re running off with their secretary or comparing me to their recent friend in a way that seems to suggest that friend possesses all of the qualities they once praised me for.” It’s almost just like the narcissist or psychopath not “sees” them or they stop to exist.
This pursuit of novelty, and lack of empathy or object constancy, is one in all many the explanations narcissistic or psychopathic people can ruthlessly devalue and mistreat the individuals who have long been of their corner with such ease. If you might be in any form of relationship with a narcissist or psychopath, it’s vital to acknowledge that their primary loyalty is to themselves, regardless of who look like selecting. Take heed of the red flags and construct a robust loyalty to yourself as well and trust your instincts – don’t let toxic people make you loyal to them in the event that they are usually not putting in the identical form of commitment. Be willing to “betray” toxic people after they have shown you time and time again they’re willing to throw you under the bus for his or her agendas or on a whim.
