“Wives, submit yourselves to your personal husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the pinnacle of the wife as Christ is the pinnacle of the church, his body, of which he’s the Savior. Now because the church submits to Christ, so also wives should undergo their husbands in all the pieces.” Ephesians 5:22-24
This popular, and infrequently misunderstood, verse present in Ephesians unveils the attractive image of a bride serving and deeply loving her groom. There are two key takeaways to this message that Paul so eloquently shares with the church in Ephesus. The first being that a godly marriage is all about submitting to Christ and searching for His way. The second being that we’re called to acknowledge our husband as leader by taking up a Christ-like servant’s heart.
So, what does a godly marriage appear to be? Love and repair! God designed marriage so we’d serve each other with a view to grow closer to Him (Ephesians 5:21)! The truth is a husband needs certain things that only his wife can supply, and vice versa. That’s because God created us to enhance each other. And, after we do serve our spouse, we essentially share God’s love and exemplify Christ.
1 Corinthians 13 so beautifully states, “love is patient, love is kind…It protects, trusts, hopes, and at all times preserves. Love never fails!” Serving others just about follows suit. Service comes from a heart of longing to like your husband with patience, kindness, striving to guard him, trust him, and find hope in your marriage. When spouses serve each other, perhaps even going to such lengths as to outdo one another in service, marriages thrive!
On that note, let’s unpack some ways to do exactly that and find some sweet and meaningful ways to serve your hubby:
Tap into His Love Language
More than likely, you will have heard concerning the five love languages, developed by Gary Chapman. It’s principally the five alternative ways we give and wish to receive love, which include: words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, receiving gifts, and physical touch. If we wish to serve our hubby’s well, it’s necessary to get in tune along with his love language (while also understanding our own). While all of us need somewhat of all of some of these love, there are generally a couple of that stand out for every of us.
My husband is big on quality time, and I’m a physical touch type of girl, so many nights we just talk on the coach after our daughters go to bed and touch base about our day. He’ll often rub my feet, and it’s an important way we actively serve each other.
Think about your dear hubby and what love language he receives well. Then try a couple of of those ways to minister to his heart.
If he’s a words of affirmation guy, try saying a couple of of those “terms of endearment”:
-“I trust you.”
-“Thank you for providing for us.”
-“You are a great man.”
-“You make me a greater woman.”
-“I appreciate all that you just do” (and name those things).
If he craves quality time, try being more intentional about your time together.
-Go on routine date nights.
-Play and laugh together.
-Try a hobby together.
If he likes you to perform acts of service, then be mindful of your on a regular basis tasks.
-Do his laundry.
-Clean his workspace.
-Make him coffee within the morning.
-Wash his automobile.
-Make his favorite meal.
If he enjoys receiving gifts, remember it’s the thought that actually counts.
-Create things from the center similar to a photobook, scrapbook, or collage.
-Remember special dates and provides a card or sweet sentiment.
-Have lunch delivered to him at work.
-Get his favorite snacks at the shop.
-Have a special place for mementos out of your travels or special events.
If he likes physical touch, you’ll want to express your love in physical ways.
-Hug him tight when he comes home from work.
-Rub his back after an extended day.
-Snuggle up close during a movie.
-Be playful by nuzzling his neck or combing your fingers through his hair.
-Hold his hand.
Get in His Head
There is a fantastic and wonderful way that God created a person and a girl, especially in the case of living in harmony with each other. However, we will so easily take things with no consideration and quickly gloss over the incontrovertible fact that a person is more physically inclined, while a girl tends to lean more into her emotions. And, yes which may be kind of true, but with out a clearer understanding of how God views a person and woman, we’re missing the mark.
It’s obvious that men and girls are different. But, if we really need to be the wives God is asking us to be, we must learn to know the best way God created our man! God’s design for manhood is easy, and it is known as out in 1 Corinthians 16:13, when Paul says to be watchful, stand firm in your faith, “act like men,” and be strong!
It’s not hard to see that our culture today is afraid of God-fearing men, and rightfully so. That’s because they’ve a God that goes before them, stands beside them, and urges them to walk with faithful steps crammed with passion and courage! Their mission is to steer and protect their family! They were initially created that way by a purposeful God!
What does this mean for us? We can serve our husbands by tapping into our emotions and moving into his head. In a great way, might I add. Start by praying for him and asking God to assist your husband be the person he was designed to be. Then, with love, speak kindness, goodness, and respectfully proclaim strength over his mind to withstand the schemes of this world and to face firm in his faith. Because friend, faith-filled men are in a battle like we’ve never seen before. They need us to be on their side and gently (and tenderly) remind them that God made them to be strong and we truly appreciate that side of them!
Feed His Soul
My husband was raised by his grandmother, and so growing up, he didn’t miss a meal. Food was his love language – ha! When we met, I wasn’t the best cook, and let’s just say we had a couple of mishaps even well into our first few years of marriage. There were quite a couple of take-out menus stuck to our fridge, and the pizza deliver guy knew us by name. But, over time, I spotted that food really spoke to my guy, and I needed to feed his soul. So, I called his grandmother, got a few of her “famous” recipes, and located recent ways to cook.
All that to say, we must find what feeds our hubby’s soul, and accomplish that with a blissful heart and positive attitude. Tap into his needs, after which do your best to satisfy them. If you’re unsure what his needs are, then ask. It’s really that easy. If he doesn’t know or is unsure the right way to communicate them to you, start with a straightforward act of kindness or a thoughtful gesture. Cook his favorite meal or grab his hand and ask him about his day.
I do know the scoreboard will want to come out here, as your inner needs declare, “What has he done for me currently?” And, I get it, trust me. However, if we shift our mindset and realize that after we serve (and provides), it often grows into something beautiful. Remember that marriage is an act of obedience to God. We serve our husbands because we’re called to and in doing so we’re being chiseled to be more like Christ.
Touch His Heart
It is claimed that the majority men aren’t mushy-gushy, meaning they don’t really know the right way to tap into their emotional side. However, I might beg to differ. While it will not be every man’s strong suit, after they are around those they feel genuinely comfortable with and deeply love, they have an inclination to let their guard down.
That means as our relationships grow, our men develop into somewhat more transparent and vulnerable with us. However, that in mind, as wives, we must honor and respect this place and handle it with care. What I mean by that’s, after we damage this a part of his heart, it will probably cause a lot pain for his manhood. Let me offer you a private example. When my husband and I were first married, he threw out his back running on a men’s football team for his work. I attempted to be there (at first) by rubbing icy hot on his back and talking sweetly to him. That allowed him to open up and share a couple of insecurities with me. I must have respected him and just kept nursing him to health. Instead…I laughed. His silence told me all the pieces. I still feel bad about that!
Ladies, we must realize that “tapping into his heart” isn’t going to come back quite as naturally for him because it does for us. So, take it as a definite privilege and honor when he does share and decides to open up about his feelings. Then take it as a chance to serve him by listening attentively, respecting him, and increasing love.
My Prayer for Your Marriage
Lord, I lift up the marriages which have said those solemn vows and made a covenant with You. I ask that You bless their union and keep them protected from the schemes of the evil one. Please help them seek You on the right way to live as a faithful husband and wife, truly embracing the character of Your beautiful design for a person and woman. Grant each of them sweet and special ways to serve each other in order that they can grow of their marriage and, more importantly, grow closer to You. I ask this in Your Holy Name. Amen.
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Sam Edwards
Alicia Searl is a devotional writer, blogger, and speaker that’s obsessed with pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy. Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect along with her on Instagram and Facebook.