A wealth of research indicates that narcissists could also be liable to engaging in sexual aggression and may even be sexually coercive. But what do their manipulation tactics on the subject of physical intimacy actually seem like? Here are six sexual mind games of narcissists it’s best to be careful for.
Sudden withdrawal of affection after an intense period of affection bombing.
The narcissist creates a strong sexual intensity with their victims early on, only to withdraw suddenly to throw their victims into self-doubt. At the start of the connection, they’ll’t get enough of you: they’re sexually insatiable. As soon as you’re invested in the connection, nevertheless, they are going to suddenly act cold and distant. This could cause emotional whiplash within the survivor who has grown accustomed to the narcissist’s constant, at times overbearing, physical attention and affection. Unbeknownst to the victim, the narcissist is withdrawing on purpose in an effort to keep you attached and hooked on winning them over. They have love bombed you with constant physical intimacy and flirtations to make you’re feeling incredibly desired. When they draw back, this creates a cycle of intermittent reinforcement and manufactures a biochemical bond that may be very difficult to detox from.
The Madonna-Whore Complex
Freud could have gotten quite a bit fallacious together with his psychological theories, but he could have nailed this one concept – a minimum of, when it’s applied to narcissists. To a narcissist, you’re either labeled because the virginal saint and “mother” or the “whore.” Many survivors of narcissists can attest to the concept that narcissistic (and misogynistic) individuals are likely to dichotomize individuals based on their sexual interest, behavior and history fairly than all the qualities they bring about to the table. They cannot appear to see you as a multifaceted human being with complex needs, desires, or personality traits. Instead, they group you into one category and appear perplexed when you exhibit behaviors or traits that appear to maneuver outside the “box” they’ve put you in. For example, they can not see intelligent women as sexual (or sexual women as intelligent), so they have a tendency to emphasise one trait over the opposite. They might even see you as a convenient hookup when you’re a really attractive woman whose features are often sexually objectified, but fail to commit to you because they solid you into the category of “not relationship material” attributable to those self same qualities.
Or they may downplay your achievements if additionally they know your sexual history otherwise you express sexual interest, believing that a lady who’s intelligent cannot possibly even be sexual at the identical time. If you’re a nurturing woman or a lady with qualities they think “emasculate” them (equivalent to being “too” intelligent or successful in a way that surpasses them), they could still commit to you but view you as a “mother” to them, which lowers their sexual interest. This has little or no to do with you or who you truly are – it’s all about their distorted perception and inability to see people for the complex human beings they’re. Some female survivors of narcissists have experienced a narcissist cheating on them with women they deem “whores” or women they perceived as “sexual” based on such a biased perception.
Comparison and jealousy induction.
Research supports that narcissists and psychopaths provoke jealousy on purpose. They like to create love triangles for power and control, and sex isn’t any exception. In the start of the connection, they probably hooked you by praising and complimenting every little thing about you – every little thing out of your physical appearance to your sexual prowess within the bedroom. During the devaluation stage, they’re far less more likely to fawn over you. In fact, they could even compare you to other partners or excessively criticize you. They may label you a hypersexual nymph whenever you attempt to re-engage with them sexually while they withdraw deliberately or complain you’re too “frigid” “immature” or a “prude” when you desire to deepen the connection beyond just sex or need to decelerate physical intimacy.
Using sex as a reset button.
Despite all these manipulation methods, the narcissist will proceed to make use of sex as a reset button – something to bond you even after crazymaking arguments or draw you back to them within the classic “makeup sex” after staged break-ups. This is how they get you re-attached to them right after explosive arguments (which they manufactured out of thin air) and threats to go away the connection. It can be a “hoovering” method that sucks you back easily into the chaos of the connection without the narcissist having to lift a finger to alter their actual behaviors or put more effort toward you and the connection. Research reveals that each pain and pleasure with an unpredictable reward can contribute to a long-lasting, addictive bond with someone. So even when you know you’re not emotionally compatible with the narcissist, your brain will trick you into feeling like they’re “the one.”
Sexual coercion and bullying.
This is less of a mind game and more of an outright violation. Research indicates that narcissists are likely to have sexually coercive beliefs and behaviors and extra hostility toward heterosexual women who they could view as “sexual gatekeepers.” They may pressure or bully you into sexual behaviors you’re not comfortable with, try and “open up” the connection (while becoming rageful when you’re the one who seeks other partners and feeling entitled to being the just one who does), or threaten to finish the connection when you don’t meet their sexual expectations or engage in certain sexual acts. They could retaliate when you don’t “serve” them within the ways they demand to be catered to, or punish and devalue you verbally or emotionally when you refuse to have sex in any respect. This is just not a mere “sexual incompatibility” – that is outright sexual coercion and assault – and it is rather dangerous.
Manufacturing chemistry through false guarantees and a false mask.
During the love bombing stage of the connection, the narcissist is capable of spark physical chemistry even when there isn’t an initial interest by catering to what they think you desire in a partner. By donning a false mask and future faking, they’re capable of get you emotionally connected to them and to ascertain a future with them. Because of those false guarantees, you might be liable to escalating the physical intimacy of the connection early on which manufactures a false sense of “knowing” the narcissist. By dangling this carrot of a future that doesn’t exist, they get you to take a position yourself emotionally, physically, sometimes even financially in a relationship they don’t have any plans to truly carry through with. Be careful if someone is promising you a dream life with them or attempting to fast-forward physical intimacy before they’ve even gotten to know you.