The term narcissist has entered the common vernacular and is casually thrown around in all places from casual conversations to TikTok videos. But most individuals aren’t getting it right. Most of the time what they’re describing isn’t a narcissist, it’s only a jerk.
A narcissist is a really specific breed that inflicts a selected variety of damage. A jerk is only a jerk. He treats you badly, you’re feeling upset that somebody you cared about could do this to you, you’re feeling much more upset with yourself for allowing it, but in time you realize you deserve higher and move on.
A narcissist will twist his way into the depths of your soul. The damage she or he inflicts can last years and even a lifetime unless you take care of it and really challenge it.
But what’s it wish to be in a relationship with one among these sinister creatures? Be it romantic, familial, friendship, or business. And how is it they will inflict such immense damage on their victims?
This is what it typically looks like:
1. They are exclusively motivated by the necessity to fuel their very own ego.
Here is something very vital to comprehend: a narcissist is solely motivated to feed their very own ego. That’s it. Every person they interact with is a way to that specific end. If someone can’t give them the narcissistic supply they need, they may either damage their life or don’t have anything to do with that person.
A narcissist can never genuinely care about you on a human level. They just don’t have the potential. You are there to serve them. You usually are not an individual, you’re a pawn.
Now this might be confusing because a narcissist is nice at acting like they care about you, but you’ll notice in the event you look a little bit more closely, the one times they appear to “care” is when it’s of some profit to them. They don’t do anything with a self-serving agenda.
2. They will gaslight you to the moon.
The term “gaslighting” has only really gained traction in the previous couple of years and is one other term you hear in all places nevertheless it actually originated within the Thirties British play-turned-film called “Gas Light.” In it, a person mentally and emotionally abuses and manipulates his wife into considering she’s going insane, even convincing her that she’s imagining the gas light in the home dimming each night when he was really the perpetrator. He drives her to the purpose where she will’t trust her own emotions and might’t even trust the things she’s seeing, hearing, and experiencing.
The reason narcissists might be tricky to actually discover and excise out of your life is that they will lead you to a degree of not even knowing what’s real anymore. They get you so twisted you could not trust yourself in any capability.
I dated a classic narcissist and caught him talking to multiple other girls. You would think I might walk away… but he convinced me that he wasn’t attempting to hook up with any of them, he was just keeping the door open to potentially hook up someday if he and I didn’t work out. Ohhhhh now I see!
And he was so convincing that one way or the other I believed it. And I ended up feeling sorry for him that he was so “fearful” about our relationship ending and the way devastating that may be to him he needed to line up a couple of backup plans!
This is what a narcissist will do. They will distort reality in any which strategy to fit how they need things to be.
3. They give empty compliments.
Here is a classic narcissist move: they may say things like “I actually respect you and value you but…” after which will say something that shows complete disrespect and devaluation of you. And again, this totally messes along with your head and also you don’t know what’s true or real anymore.
Any compliments they offer you are really to serve their very own agenda. Maybe to butter you up so that they can regain control, possibly they’re filling your ego tank so that you’ll fill theirs (and we already discussed that that is what they live for!). No matter the case, they’re once more only furthering their very own agenda.
4, They are at all times right, you’re at all times mistaken.
A narcissist will spin up all types of word salad to prove why they’re right and also you’re mistaken. Forget about logic and reason and all of your proof, they may never ever admit to being at fault. They will pick up on one piece of what you said that was totally irrelevant to the conversation at large after which fixate on that to prove some extent when that wasn’t even the purpose, to start with!
They cannot and is not going to accept responsibility for anything and you may exhaust yourself by attempting to get them to see things as they’re.
5. They want your pity.
This one is an interesting fact about narcissists because we expect of them as haughty and having delusions of grandeur. And that is true. But they may also lean hard on the victim card with a view to get you to feel sorry for them. Why? So that they will control you, in fact.
They may let you know how terrible their childhood was… about their mental health issues… concerning the heartbreak that wrecked them… and being a compassionate person, you’ll feel bad for them. You may start making excuses for them. They can’t help it. It’s not his fault. And then he has you right where he wants you. He prays in your empathy to remain in your life and to realize the upper hand.
6. Their apologies are self-serving.
This is one other unexpected truth about narcissists. While they don’t ever accept fault or responsibility, a narcissist will apologize… if he has to.
Narcissists understand how relationships work. They know people have feelings and limits. The problem is they may never have the opportunity to actually empathize with another person’s pain. If a narcissist apologizes, it’s to not ease your suffering, it’s because he wants relief from regardless of the conflict is since it feels unpleasant to him. It’s not about accepting responsibility, it’s about getting things back on target.
A narcissist may apologize with a view to restore his power over you, if he fears abandonment, or if he was caught red handed and might’t word salad his way out of it.
He may express regret, but don’t be fooled, he won’t ever actually be sorry.