One of my oldest friends called me sooner or later to ask her easy methods to “get from point A to point B” in her dating relationship. When I asked her what she meant, she replied, “Marriage just seems unimaginable. So far. I’ve tried so over and over to go from dating to marriage and fail every time. So how did you get there?”
I could totally appreciate her query. This isn’t unusual on the earth and within the Church. In our culture that sees marriage as the top of every part and relationships as performances, it is smart that she’ll be wondering easy methods to get to the “finish line.”
But then it dawned on me that marriage isn’t the goal, heaven is! I laughed somewhat and told her, “I’m nowhere near point B. While my husband and I are on our deathbeds and we have managed to assist one another stay near God, possibly then I’ll be near point B. So “success” in dating isn’t really the goal.”
If you are single and feel the identical way as my friend, let me invite you to take a look at marriage somewhat in a different way. This will take the strain off of “earning” your marriage and provide help to see future spouses more clearly.
Let’s break it down:
Why marriage isn’t the finish line
There are many beautiful the explanation why God created the gift of marriage.
Support and partnership: “The Lord God said: It isn’t good for a person to be alone. So I’ll make him a helper fit for him.” Genesis 2:18
Companionship: “Two are higher than one, because they get an excellent make the most of their labor … Moreover, if two lie down together, they will probably be warm. But how will you warm yourself?” Ecclesiastes 4:9
Pleasure and Intimacy: “Bless your source and luxuriate in the wife of your youth. It is a loving deer, a graceful doe. May her breasts at all times please you. May her love at all times delight you.” Proverbs 5:18-19
There are in fact many more. (Here it’s great article on this topic, where do I get these ideas from!)
Ultimately, God uses marriage to repeatedly refine our characters, to turn into more like Jesus, and to assist us get to heaven. His will is that each one his children repent to be with him (2 Peter 3:9). And for those who’ve been a Christian for some time, you understand the struggle to remain repentant!
So considered one of the ways God keeps us in his fold is thru marriage. We see it in Ephesians 5:25-27“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water by the word, and present to himself as a radiant Church, without blemish or blemish, or every other blemish, but holy and without blemish.”
Marriage helps us sanctify ourselves. And that, fortunately or unfortunately, doesn’t occur the moment we get married!
Related: Why did God create marriage in any respect?
Your wedding day is only the start
Every aspect of a thriving, healthy, godly marriage takes time. No matter how much you prepare for marriage in premarital counseling or otherwise, as an ideal person you usually are not saying yes. Marriage is an extended, cathartic process.
Of this refinement, John Eldredge has this to say in his and his wife’s book Love and War: Finding the Marriage You’ve Dreamed Of: “We are all totally devoted and deeply committed to our ‘style’, our ‘way’, our ‘attitude to life’ “. We have absolutely no intention of giving it up. Even for love. Therefore, God creates the environment wherein we must. This is named marriage.
Marriage is a relationship where all of your ugly character flaws are on full display. Where someone finally has been around you long enough to note that your “personality quirk” is definitely just selfishness, and where you might have someone to share your every day victories with and who can indicate how much you you might have developed, even for those who may not see it yourself!
The point is that marriage is a process with one end goal in mind: partnership with one another to live a godly life here and everlasting life in heaven.
It can be a shame if it was a marriage day and all growth stopped after the cake was cut. If you were to take a look at your spouse and say, “Now what…?” But fortunately, God has an ideal plan.
I explained to my friend that marriage is sort of a boat with each of you rowing attempting to get to the opposite shore. Yes, conversations, dates and courtship have brought you to shore where you begin this journey – but there continues to be loads of water between where you’re and your destination where you’re each in heaven. The query is, are they good rowing partners? You want them in that boat with you? Will they make it easier or tougher to get to the opposite shore?
That, I think, is far more the aim of dating. Not to achieve success in a relationship so you may get married as the final word goal – but to make you are feeling confident enough with someone to begin your journey to heaven with them.
What must you search for in a rowing partner?
Image credit: ©Getty Images/g-stockstudio
There are 1,000 different good things you may search for in a partner, but listed below are an excellent start line and inquiries to ask yourself:
God is at the middle: are you spiritually bringing out the perfect in one another? Are you pointing to one another to depend on God and never just one another? Do they teach you things about God directly and/or through how they lovingly treat you?
Have loads of fun: Are you excited to see them? Do they make the mundane things in life more enjoyable? Do you laugh or smile more when you’re with them? Do they make the heavy things in life lighter?
You trust their character: do they really apologize once they hurt you? Have you noticed the constant development of their character? Are they committed to improving their spiritual lives? Do they respect your boundaries?
Communication is healthy: do they hearken to you without defense or do they apologize once they defend themselves? Do they take you into consideration in what they do? Are you capable of work through the conflict thoroughly without resentment, even for those who need outside help? Do they calm you down if you discuss something, or do you get more stressed?
You are good at partnerships: Do you’re employed well together when you might have a joint project? Do you respect one another’s opinions? Do you complement your strengths and weaknesses? Do you see a future together where you each construct something meaningful and Spirit-led?
Each of those facets is crucial not just for reaching the opposite shore, but additionally for having fun with life while getting there.
Marriage is an excellent, wonderful gift. But it’s not at all the top goal. If so, what would we want God for?
Marriage shows us how much we want God to like us as unconditionally as He does. So before you jump on a ship with someone simply because they make you are feeling good or look good in your wedding photos, consider how the remaining of your trip will go.
And similarly, for those who’re standing on the shore with someone but feel really confident in all the above areas, pray to discern if God is you and considering, “What are they waiting for?” You haven’t got to be perfect to get married or deserve it.
But remember, whether you get married or stay single, God is with you each step of the strategy to heaven.
Image credit: ©Unsplash/Pablo Heimplatz
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