Fear of commitment is a typical psychological problem that doesn’t discriminate based on gender. The stereotype often suggests that men usually tend to exhibit commitment phobia; nonetheless, women can experience it equally. This fear of commitment in women, also often called “gamophobia”, might be as a result of many aspects and might significantly affect a lady’s love relationships.
For example, fear of commitment could also be deeply ingrained in an individual’s past experiences or traumas. For example, physical or sexual abuse in childhood, a bitter divorce of oneself or her parents, and other traumas. All of this may result in a fear of repeating similar patterns in your personal intimate relationships.
Understanding women’s fear of commitment
Fear of commitment in women can present itself in alternative ways. For example, some women may repeatedly break off relationships once they turn into serious, avoid making long-term plans, or show an inability to make decisions in regards to the future. They might also select partners who’re emotionally unavailable or incompatible, thus ensuring that the connection doesn’t tend towards commitment.
In my clinical experience, fear of commitment manifests itself in three principal ways in women. These relationship patterns are: Put out the flames, I’ll make you’re keen on me, and Chase me. We will describe each of them on a selected example of a client.
Three Types of Fear of Commitment in Women: Flame-out
This is one of the vital common sorts of anxiety about commitment relationship patterns. You meet a man, there are lots of sparks and he says all the fitting things! wowyou’re thinking that He’s different; he’s the one. You’re taller than 747. Then you jump within the sack and have urgent, mind-blowing sex, perhaps even unprotected. He says he desires to spend the remainder of his life with you. You talk for hours and he understands you want nobody else. Some of the texts he sends you might be amazing – short love poems (about you) that touch your heart. You will spend a beautiful weekend together. Then hood. Finished. Nada. You sit there alone making up excuses why his text, email or phone call never comes through.
Ginger, a 28-year-old artist, describes her relationship pattern along with her fear of commitment
Over the subsequent few weeks, Justin began to cry over how much he “felt” Ginger. How wonderful he felt when he was along with her. Just when Ginger began dreaming of an easy sunset wedding on their favorite beach, Justin disappeared into the dating world and was never heard from again.
Women’s Fear of Commitment: Pattern #2 I’ll Make You Love Me
You get excited by the challenge of adjusting and getting a man who has “potential.” When you meet a man you want, you immediately work additional time to get him: jump straight into bed, make exotic dinners, even buy him tickets to the playoffs. When you might be with him, you will not be yourself with him. In fact, you are busy attempting to be the image of what you’re thinking that he wants in a lady. You are his love slave, chef, therapist, and savior. But one thing you are not is an authentic, real person with real needs and needs. The ones you retain hidden. You may feel that you just will not be as loved, or that should you began asking for things, you can be a drain.
All you wish, at the least consciously, is for him to remain and never leave you. You get a phone that never buzzes to announce a message from him. Ironically, your excessive giving may even push him into the arms of the closest girly girl who needs him to deal with her! When you finally get bad news through word of mouth, you are totally amazed at how silly men might be.
Sheila, a thirty-three-year-old nurse, put it this manner:
Fear of Commitment in Women: Pattern #3 Chase I
You meet a man, you’ve gotten great sex in his big bed and also you open up not only sexually but additionally emotionally. Everything is developing perfectly. Too perfect. After a comfortable relationship and three-hour confessionals, you instinctively draw back. Almost against your will, you run away, secretly hoping he’ll come after you.
Your fear of commitment shows up just like the Loch Ness monster and starts to rule the show. You draw back and turn into unavailable, distant or silent – otherwise you act crazy and dump him. Even if he acts lovingly, you insist that he doesn’t really care about you. This happens almost against your will and for no particular reason.
Chase Me is all about fear. When you begin falling in love with someone, you find yourself breaking up with them before they’ll hurt you. This way you may control a broken heart. What you actually need is for the person you care about to interrupt through the barricades you have erected, ride his white horse, and claim you, even should you’re halfway all over the world in Tokyo. But you never tell him. You set him as much as allow you to down. Because you pushed him away, he is not chasing you. And you tell yourself and your pals, “I knew all of it along.”
Fear of commitment in women: the case of Shoko
Shoko, a 40-year-old successful lawyer, describes her fear of a committed relationship:
Fear of commitment in women: the underside line
Here are the three principal fears of committed relationship patterns that repel men. As you may see, these sorts of patterns really work against you in love. It’s great to ask yourself, am I unknowingly stuck in any of those patterns? If the reply is yes, work on consciously breaking old, self-destructive patterns by meeting a kind. Date guys who’re different – who perhaps don’t appear like what you often insist they appear like! Or those which can be more into you than you might be used to! Or ones that wish to demand you should you draw back. And should you catch yourself beginning to act self-sabotaging, nip it within the bud!
Commitment anxiety in women is a big issue that deserves more attention and understanding. It’s essential to do not forget that everyone moves at their very own pace in the case of commitment, and what may seem to be fear could be the person needing more time. However, if fear makes it difficult to form and maintain healthy relationships, searching for skilled help is usually a invaluable step forward.
In fact, an enormous resource can be available here. Have a groundbreaking session over the phone or Skype with considered one of my experienced dating coaches. Our team has helped tens of 1000’s of singles break self-sabotaging relationship patterns and find the love that is right for them.
