This article is for ladies who’ve had negative sexual experiences and traumas and want support and hope that God sees and protects them, even through the sexual act itself.
Personally, I feel that God knew how terrible sex might be when He created it, especially for ladies, because we’re (often) physically weaker and historically more depending on our husbands – and subsequently more more likely to be taken advantage of. Truth be told, sex is sensitive to everyone. But the attractive thing is that God has provided safeguards within the sexual plan to be sure that His daughters are protected and given adequate love and a spotlight.
Whether you might be currently married, engaged, dating or single, I pray that you will discover hope and healing in these thanks for the way beautifully God has created sex and his protection of the ladies in it so which you could find freedom.
My history
I’ve been married for nine months and since my husband asked me to marry him last yr, I’ve needed to cope with loads of fears about sex.
When I used to be engaged (and celibate), one in every of my bridesmaids and best friends was on the town to assist me organize my bachelorette party. She casually slid down onto the couch I used to be sitting on and suddenly asked me, “So, Kelly-Jayne, how do you’re feeling about having sex!?”
She was lonely and genuinely curious how I felt in regards to the next stage of my life. But after that straightforward query, I began crying almost immediately. Sex at the moment did not have a positive connotation for me. At all.
Sex meant insecurity. It meant lack of control. To me, sex was in regards to the man getting what he wanted and the girl getting used and disposed of. I didn’t feel protected enough to discuss it freely, and I sure as hell didn’t feel protected enough to experience it.
My negative sex history with unloving men has led me to this extremely vulnerable and scary state. Moreover, while deeply emotionally processing the undeniable fact that I’d soon be sexually energetic, I remembered that I used to be abused as a baby. I share this detail with you simply to say that I understand it.
If you are like me and feel that sex means fear, not love, I understand. Sex is some of the vulnerable experiences an individual can have. That’s why it is so beautiful. But it might even be so damaging when not implemented as God intended.
God is the God who sees you (Genesis 16:13). You should not incorrect, you should not unfaithful or weak due to fears about sex.
But you too can be completely healed.
During my healing journey on this field, I needed to know that God sees my pain and fears and that I’m not silly for having them. I wasn’t heartbroken simply because I reacted in a different way to the thought of sex than other people. Just because I had extra healing work to do didn’t mean I didn’t trust God or love my husband.
I just needed to reframe sex to consider it the way in which God thinks, as a protected place. Maybe even a protected place.
Sex as a Safe Place: Replica of the Garden of Eden
Fortunately, my husband and I received loads of advice on this area before we got married. The clever couple who mentored us gave us a mental picture we will stick with: the wedding bed might be seen as a mini-garden of Eden.
In the Garden, “Adam and his wife were naked and felt no shame” (Genesis 2:25). We can re-experience that state of being shameless, completely vulnerable, totally visible, with nothing to cover once we experience sexual intimacy with our spouse.
Another way sexual intimacy mirrors the Garden of Eden is that the perfect sexual experiences are probably the most selfless ones where each partner is attuned to the opposite’s desires and wishes. Surely, if we were still within the Garden, that is how we’d all the time exist: completely selfless and devoted to one another. Fortunately, we will practice this in the wedding certificate.
Hebrews 13:4 encourages us to maintain the wedding bed clean. How beautiful is it that the wedding bed is to start with clean? Unblemished and innocent. Safe from anything that may bring him down. It really is a present.
Plus, I like that it’s called a queen bed. Beds are a spot of heat, rest and luxury. This is what God wants for our sexual experience.
Understanding that God designed the wedding bed as a protected place modified all the pieces for me. And I feel that God is emphasizing and proving this desire to make his beloved daughters feel protected by the way in which he planned the act of intercourse itself.
Here are three ways in which helped me heal my view of sex through God’s inherent protection:
1. Foreplay requires the selfless pursuit of wives
Foreplay gives the wife time to “encourage and win.” The act of intimacy might be painful and even inconceivable if her body has not been prepared for it through foreplay. Without the intimate kissing, thoughtful touching, cuddling, and intimacy that foreplay provides—things a wife must feel loved—real intercourse can feel less connected, more dominant, and overall less special. Either that or penetration will not be physically possible in any respect.
I like that it’s almost like God created this protection for ladies through the need of foreplay. The husband must decelerate and be disinterested towards his wife if intercourse is to be pleasurable and intimate.
The Christian book Destined for Pleasure puts it this manner: “Most women prefer to be pursued and conquered. Let the person by his attitude towards his wife make it clear that he’s showing her love, and never claiming the precise to sex. The husband have to be careful not to seem rushed, primitive, rude, mechanical or impatient!”
It means a lot to me to know that God is creating space for His precious daughters to be loved and wanted, and that this pursuit is nearly a prerequisite for sex to occur in any respect. God knows we want tenderness and tenderness, so He has wove that into the very agenda of sex.
2. How a husband can increase his wife’s sex drive depends upon his own selflessness
It’s no secret that husbands are inclined to have a stronger sex drive than their wives. Before I got engaged, unfortunately, I met loads of negative opinions on this subject, which made sex more of a chore for a lady than a pleasure.
It seemed the one two options were for the wife to smile and endure it, or for her husband to freeze his own needs and suffer through them. But luckily I used to be capable of come across this Marriage Certificate passage that highlights a phenomenal third option:
“A clever and loving husband, subsequently, will learn as much as he can to be able to give his bride the best possible love experience, each for her sake and for his. The more he pursues her pleasure, the more he’ll help to create in her a good and exciting attitude towards the connection. And the more she likes it, the more she is going to enjoy and relish it.”
The world gives the look that the husband’s sex drive is pushing him straight towards impurity and a caveman attitude. But God’s intention is to begin this sex drive towards greater joy for his wife and greater union between them. How beautiful is it?
When I first read it, I felt protected and special to God. God’s plan for sex is for each partners to be uplifted and committed! And it makes probably the most satisfying relationship one where the wife also receives attention and respect. Selflessness on the a part of the husband is one hundred pc obligatory for this to occur, otherwise he loses too.
3. God celebrates women through sexual orgasm
I do know, I do know, you could be blushing right away reading this. But pleasure is nothing to be ashamed of. As the title of the book suggests, we were made for this! And the well-known, biological undeniable fact that women have the flexibility to experience multiple orgasms in a single session, while men can only experience one, makes me feel truly special to God.
There isn’t any verse that backs me up, but that is how I interpret the actual fact: it’s almost like a counterbalance to a stronger sex drive in men. Yes, they could be forced to initiate intercourse more often, partly out of self-pleasure, but God makes it so it isn’t nearly them.
It’s not a lot physical protection as protecting your attitude. I feel God’s heart to provide women special attention and care, creating women’s ability to attain multiple orgasms. He ensures that the highlight is shared and reads to me like a little bit wink from God, making his daughters feel pampered and exquisite.
Each orgasm can also be a probability for the wife to feel special and connected to her husband, which naturally helps her trust him increasingly. Like I said, God knew sex might be scary – and each time a wife orgasms, she feels relaxed and grateful for the love that has been shown her. It could be very gracious that God is increasing this ability for ladies because He knew we would wish it to trust our husbands increasingly.
Much more might be said in regards to the spiritual implications of sexual intimacy and tips on how to heal sexual wounds, but I hope these thoughts gives you a start line to trust God. I feel he did all the pieces in his power to design sex with the protection of ladies in mind. He sees you and loves you! And he wants nothing greater than to make you’re feeling hunted, special, and protected in any respect times – especially in an area as sensitive as intimacy.
Image credit: ©Annette Sousa HW/Unsplash
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