Conflict may be good when you put it in the appropriate perspective, but conflict can also be difficult, especially in a wedding. Conflict may be good since it resolves deeper issues, unfulfilled expectations, and misunderstandings, but it could possibly also cause a rift in our marriage that’s difficult to resolve. Our spouses see us in our greatest and worst moments. It’s easy for us to take out our areas of pain and frustration on our spouses, but simply because they’re in our lives does not imply we are able to use them as a punching bag. When I made a decision to take a look at my spouse in a latest light and understand the role of healthy conflict in our marriage, I used to be in a position to resolve arguments in a godly way.
First, I saw my spouse as an ally, not an enemy. This was crucial part of fixing my perspective. At times I saw my husband as an enemy against me, using words like guns and throwing insults because he wasn’t there to support me. I had unhealthy expectations that he would all the time love and support me unconditionally – perfect. These are things that I can only receive from God. I used my husband as a option to vent my biggest frustrations as a substitute of seeing him as an ally. I now see him as a flawed one who makes mistakes similar to me, and that has helped me to forgive him in areas where I’ve been hurt.
Look back
Secondly, I used to be in a position to look back. While I diligently forgave the current situations, it was easy for me to revive them throughout the current conflict. But that is not what Jesus did. To be an example of Jesus, I needed to forgive my spouse and select not to recollect his sins anymore. This includes especially the sins committed against us. It could seem inconceivable, but with God’s help it is feasible. Just as God still remembers our sins but chooses not to make use of them against us, we are able to do the identical with our spouses. We are only doing ourselves a disservice when we elect to maintain past wrongdoings against our spouse. If I wanted marriage, I needed to let go of the past and move forward towards a healthy marriage for the long run.
Take personal responsibility
Third, I needed to take responsibility for the parts of the conflict where I used to be mistaken. Instead of blaming my spouse in every situation, I had to research my involvement and responsibility within the crime. Sometimes I blamed even once I was hurt, and I needed to take responsibility in my opinion in it. When I used to be in a position to take responsibility, present it to God, and ask God for forgiveness, I could rest easy knowing that the blood of Christ covered all my past wrongs. Not only that, but I used to be in a position to see my husband’s wrongs in the identical light. God decides to not record his transgressions on me. If I’m to be an example of Christ, I have to not blame him for his past transgressions.
Choose your fights
Fourth, I selected my battles. I saw conflict as an issue, but often it was only a symptom of a much greater problem. For example, if I saw extra dishes within the sink and it was his turn to clean the dishes, I might explode at him for not doing his part. However, it was my feeling of being underappreciated and brought advantage of that was my underlying problem, not his lack of diligence in performing his duties. When I used to be in a position to turn to God with my deeper needs for recognition and ask God to substantiate who I’m in Christ, the vessels became an act of service, not a burden to bear.
When I used to be in a position to change my perspective and ask God to fulfill my deeper needs as a substitute of going to my spouse, I used to be in a position to see what this relationship really is: a partnership wherein we reflect Christ and the Church. Because we’re human, it could possibly often get messy. Both husband and wife make mistakes and hurt one another. The more things happened and the more such situations piled up, the harder it was to forgive and love with the identical love that Christ had for me. When I used to be in a position to work through my problems with feeling unappreciated or unappreciated, I used to be in a position to see that God is the just one who can meet my needs. If you might be fighting deeper needs, there’s hope.
In your quiet time, ask the Holy Spirit to disclose any past situations where you first felt this need. In reviewing my life, I even have often found that these deeper feelings didn’t come from my spouse, but moderately from my bad childhood experiences. When I used to be in a position to forgive the offender for failing to fulfill my needs, I used to be in a position to view my spouse in a more loving way. An ideal resource for that is Soul Care by Rob Reimer. In it, he guides the reader through several areas where a soul can have emotional baggage that, when resolved, can lead people to a free life in Christ. When I used to be in a position to do away with deeper wounds and problems that I could not change, I could walk in freedom. I even have also noticed that my physical, mental and emotional well-being has improved as a result of the work God has done in my life.
See Partnership
Fifth, I could see my marriage as a partnership: two equals working together to do Kingdom work. When I saw that considered one of us was greater than the opposite, it skewed my relationships and allowed considered one of us to behave higher towards the opposite. It caused a sense of inferiority that I could not change. When I started to see myself as inferior to others, it distorted my worldview, making it difficult for me to see others with the identical eyes that Jesus sees them. I had to alter the way in which I saw myself. I needed to do away with pride and ambition and see myself as a sinner in need of God’s grace. When I could see myself for who I actually am, an individual whose sin was covered by Christ’s blood on the cross, I could see people for what they were. How I saw myself affected how I saw others.
When we face ourselves with the reality of the Scriptures, we are able to hold fast to God’s guarantees and know that regardless of what happens, He sees us as His dearly beloved child. When I could see myself in the identical spirit, I used to be in a position to work throughout the limits of how God had wired me. It gave me a way of deeper meaning and purpose. When we live every day as if we had a purpose, we are able to make certain that God will use us to do His work. When I saw myself as a novel person created by God to do the work that only He gave me, it gave me a purpose much deeper than simply earning a paycheck or marriage. This has greatly reduced my conflict with my spouse. I knew my attitude had modified once I found that my conflicts were becoming less frequent. I can not say we never argue, but once we do, I attempt to see things from my spouse’s perspective. When I can have a look at the situation in a healthy way, I take responsibility in my opinion, forgive when I’ve been wronged, and move forward to do God’s work.
Love like Christ
Sixth, I could love my spouse as God loves them. While I cannot say that I really like my spouse unconditionally, I really like him more deeply than once we got married. When we were dating, I often saw a relationship as something he could do for me. Now I see this as what I can do for him and the way we are able to move forward together in his work. Whether it’s ministering in our local church or discussing our hopes and dreams, I can love him with the identical love that Christ has for his people. When I do that, I understand God’s love for His children in a latest way. Conflict is inevitable, but we do not have to be in it regularly. By following the steps above, you possibly can view your spouse in a latest way. When you select to see your spouse as God sees them, you possibly can see your spouse and your marriage the identical way God sees them.
Image credit: ©Getty Images/fizkes
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