The knife went in, only somewhat deeper this time. A friend spread rumors about me, ruining my repute and ultimately our friendship. The one that was my friend has turn into my enemy.
Insults were thrown; charges were filed; feelings have been hurt. Countless emotions pricked my psyche. Wounded. Betrayal. Anger. I invested my time, money and vast resources on this person. Now that was all I could muster to not wish for a refund for this harsh offer.
They were presupposed to be our friends. How could they do that to us?
Over time, a recent set of emotions emerged. Bitterness. Anger. Rage. I hesitated to forgive and didn’t need to trust anyone again. As I pondered my feelings, God jogged my memory of this verse in v Luke 6:27-28“But to you who’re listening, I say: love your enemies, do good to those that hate you, bless those that curse you, pray for many who mistreat you.”
After reading this verse, I knew I had the perfect weapon—the gift of blessing. Satan tried to steal our joy, but I wasn’t going to let him get away with it. As at all times, God allows us to take part in the work of redemption He is doing within the lives of His children, thwarting Satan’s plans for revenge. This meant that as an alternative of searching for revenge, I could attempt to bless those that curse me.
Bless as an alternative of throwing mud?
Saying blessings as an alternative of claiming curses?
Did I even have it in me?
Even though this friend had betrayed me, I used to be able, through the reality of Scripture, to finish the connection by speaking blessings over her life. It would not be easy, but I could find redemption in a toxic relationship.
What makes a relationship toxic?
Here are the ingredients of a toxic friendship:
First, trust has been broken. The most vital a part of any relationship is that each people can trust one another. When trust is broken, it becomes difficult to proceed the connection. In friendship, each parties must feel secure. When one person seems like they can not trust the opposite, it is time to move on. A friend is someone with whom you possibly can share your innermost thoughts and feelings and know that those thoughts will probably be treated with the utmost confidentiality. When that person confides in another person what has been said, the connection ends.
Second, certain expectations should be met. Both parties should accept one another for who they’re and never attempt to spend time trying to vary the opposite person. Each party must feel that this can be a secure space where they will share and be honest with one another. When one party creates a dangerous space for the opposite, it is time to reassess the connection. A friend is someone who loves us regardless of what. When one party starts to condition or limit that love, it is a toxic situation that should be resolved immediately.
Third, if the connection is draining me physically, emotionally, and mentally, it is time to end the friendship. Both sides must get something out of the connection. It cannot be one-sided. When one person acts more like a therapist than a friend, it is time to end the friendship. This is very true if someone takes greater than they provide of their friendship. Distance is best in a relationship where you are taking greater than you give. However, I would not recommend just scaring someone, but slightly having an honest conversation with them. Sometimes a difficult conversation with them is all it takes for the connection to proceed. If, after talking to them, they’re hesitant to vary, it is time to end the connection.
Fourth, in the event that they don’t respect boundaries, it is time to end the friendship. Every relationship must have defined boundaries regarding emotional and psychological space. This way, there is no such thing as a ambiguity as to where the connection begins and where it ends. If a friend doesn’t respect your boundaries, whether which means breaking confidentiality, betraying your trust, or asserting his or her point in situations where it doesn’t belong, it is time to create a long way.
Fifth, if passive-aggressive or disrespectful behavior shows up in your friendship, it is time to end it. Friendship doesn’t require each parties to agree on every thing, but a friend should value the opposite’s perspective enough to listen and consider it. A one that simply dismisses concern or becomes self-centered of their behavior just isn’t a friend price having.
Blessing of enemies – high order
Friendships may be an enriching and rewarding experience for each parties. But if toxic behavior leads to any of the situations above, or another situation not listed here, it is time so that you can find time for friendship. It will probably be hard to mourn the lack of a friend. But ultimately you’ll profit from it emotionally, mentally and physically.
After permission Luke 6:27-28 work in my heart I set myself a challenge. I prayed a prayer of blessing over my enemies for every week within the hope that it could change not only my outlook on the situation but additionally my heart. Only God could have wanted me to supply it to Him because I resisted it with every fiber of my being.
Reluctantly, I sat down in a chair and said this prayer aloud:
“Lord, bless ________. I do know he/she is my enemy now, but please bring your healing to the situation. Turn our anxiety into peace, our sadness into joy, and our despair into hope.”
On Monday, words were like eating sour lemons – downright unpleasant. On Wednesday they got here somewhat more naturally. On Friday, they tasted sweet as honey, rewarding them AND I.
Praying for blessings on my enemies is sort of a challenge. When I take into consideration this case, it still evokes feelings of anger and betrayal. However, Jesus gave me the gift of forgiveness through His death on the cross. If He can bless His enemies, so can I. It’s difficult, but it surely’s price it because blessing someone who hates me makes me love them much more. Every time I do it, something inside me changes. My character becomes more like Jesus. The words turn into less bitter and somewhat sweeter. My thoughts are somewhat less indignant and somewhat calmer.
I hope that one morning once I say these words, I won’t should think twice about them. I hope they may come off easily. I’m not quite there yet, but I’m getting close. As Proverbs 16:24 says: “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and medicine to the bones.”
Image credit: ©Getty Images/MangoStar_Studio
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