God wants us to be glad, right?
I hear this quite a bit in my work with couples. Two people on the verge of divorce, not due to abuse or infidelity, but because the connection stopped making them glad. As they describe, the joy, curiosity and fun they experienced at the start of their relationship aren’t any longer there. Marriage vows can say “till death do us part” but for a lot of these words have lost their meaning.
The reality is that culture has modified, and our beliefs about marriage often reflect those changes. Truth today is seen as relative, feelings drive our experiences, and the consumerist mindset promotes a more transactional approach to relationships.
Instead of understanding God’s true purpose for marriage, we routinely take a look at marriage based on what the opposite person can do for us, what they may give us, and ultimately how they make us feel about ourselves.
Conclusion: If happiness is your predominant expectation in marriage, you’ll probably end up dissatisfied and dissatisfied.
Why did God design marriage?
We must understand God’s plan for us as individuals if we’re to know His plan for marriage. While many believers have a superficial idea of God as Fr “gin in a bottle” whose primary function is to make us glad, the Bible makes it clear that His plan for His children is to make us holy (i.e., sanctified, in His image), not glad. 1 Peter 1:15-16
A. W. Tozer describes:No man should desire happiness unless he can be holy. He should devote his efforts to looking for to know and do God’s will, leaving it to Christ how glad he ought to be.”
Tim Keller, pastor, writer and theologian defines marriage as “…a lifelong, monogamous relationship between a person and a girl. According to the Bible, God designed marriage to reflect his saving love for us in Christ, to perfect our character, to create a stable human community for the birth and rearing of kids, all by combining the complementary sexes into a long-lasting whole, the union of life.”
Henry Nouwen states“…marriage is above all a vocation. Two persons are called together to meet the mission that God has entrusted to them. Marriage is a spiritual reality. That is, a person and a girl meet for all times, not only because they experience a deep love for one another, but because they imagine that God loves each of them with infinite love and has called them to one another to live witnesses of this love . To love is to embody the infinite love of God in faithful communion with one other human being.
Marriage is one in all our best teachers because in its heart it reveals the fact of who we’re, what we expect, and the way we engage others. No other relationship is as revealing and potentially transformative because the one we have now committed to share our lives permanently and intimately.
IN Article in HuffPostwriter and speaker Tyler Ward concludes that marriage is about personal transformation. He describes While happiness is usually a really real byproduct of a healthy relationship, marriage is designed to bring dysfunction to the surface of our lives, ignite it, and help it grow. The job of marriage is to ameliorate our dysfunctions and encourage us to progressive wholeness.
Conclusion: The less you see your spouse as your savior and more as a companion on this journey of life, the more likely you’re to pursue your individual healing and growth. This will result in you cultivating more realistic expectations on your marriage, which can ultimately bring more stability, peace, and, yes, happiness.
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What does the Bible say about an unhappy marriage?
It is significant to differentiate between an unhappy marriage and a toxic/destructive marriage. For those that have experienced any form of unrepentant adultery, abandonment or repeated physical/emotional/verbal/sexual abuse, this text is NOT for you. In most unhappy marriages, the issue is misunderstandings, funds, unfulfilled expectations, etc. In God’s plan of mutual submission as couples grow together in Him, abuse of any kind is unacceptable.
Regarding marriage, Malachi 2:15-16 (NKJV) says, Isn’t he the one God made you? You belong to Him body and spirit. And what is that this one God in search of? Divine progeny. So be in your guard and don’t be unfaithful to the wife of your youth. “A person who hates and divorces his wife,” says the Lord God of Israel, “perpetrates violence against the one he’s purported to protect,” says the Lord Almighty. So be in your guard and do not be unfaithful.
Biblically speaking, spouses haven’t any right to easily dissolve an unhappy marriage. God intended marriage to be for all times.
Ephesians 5 describes marriage as a metaphor for our relationship with God. He will not be capricious in His feelings for us, neither is His love depending on favorable circumstances. His relationship with us relies solely on His covenant with us. God wants us to remain true to our vows because He knows that broken hearts, broken marriages, and broken homes will be redeemed for His ultimate glory.
Does this mean God wants us to remain in an unhappy marriage? NO. He wants each of us to make use of our pain, sadness and disappointment, loneliness and anger as an invite to hunt His healing. He wants us to know what health looks like in our marriage—healthy expectations, communication, boundaries, and conflict resolution—in order that we will experience change where we’re as an alternative of waiting to find it in a latest relationship.
Conclusion: An unhappy marriage should indicate that there are things God wants to deal with in our lives and in our marriages in order that we will strive for healing and wholeness in every area of our lives. God wants us to acknowledge the issues that arise in our marriage, be ready to resolve them, and work together on personal and relationship development. If we do that, we’ll proceed to grow together, which can allow us to develop greater connection, strength, and intimacy in our marriage.
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8 Signs Your Marriage Is Unhappy
1. Is there an increasing amount of criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and blocking in your marriage?
2. Do you regularly feel that you may have little to say to one another?
3. Do you fantasize a few future without your partner?
4. Do you and your spouse live separate lives?
5. Does your marriage lack sex or physical affection?
6. Do you regularly feel separated out of your spouse?
7. Is it easier to give attention to anything aside from the connection?
8. Do you talk more with friends than along with your spouse?
If you answered yes to at least one or more of those questions, likelihood is you’re living in an unhappy marriage.
Does God want you to remain in an unhappy marriage?
Let me be clear, God doesn’t want anyone to be in an environment where they are usually not secure, physically or emotionally. Period. However, too many couples who feel dissatisfied or unhappy of their marriage often miss out on the blessing God has for them and their children because they leave too soon or do not get the assistance they should properly resolve their issues.
6 ways to get your marriage back
1. Stop blaming your spouse on your misfortunes. No one but you is liable for your happiness. If you’re experiencing a scarcity of joy, personal achievement or satisfaction in your marriage, conduct a private inventory to evaluate the most important areas of dissatisfaction in addition to the explanations for dissatisfaction.
2. Pray. Ask God to disclose the areas of your heart that need His healing. Ask Him to point out you the stuff you are liable for. Ask Him to elucidate how He wants you to grow, what He wants you to learn, to turn into more like Him.
3. Find specific ways during which you’ll be able to pursue the healing God is looking you to. Reach out to a trusted Christian therapist in your area who can show you how to heal your broken areas, cultivate latest patterns, latest skills, latest ways of being that may transform each you and your marriage.
4. Stop seeing your partner because the villain in your life. Start seeing them as your mates. See them as honest but broken. Show them compassion on their healing journey. Pray for them. Make an inventory of traits or behaviors you admire in them. Concentrate on them. Remind yourself of those attributes throughout the day.
5. Find ways to affirm your spouse. Instead of verbalizing criticism or contempt for what they don’t seem to be doing, allow them to know that what they’re doing is true. Give them your appreciation. Find ways to bless them freely, without expectations.
6. Pray each day on your spouse and marriage. Pray for cover from the enemy. Pray for every of you in your journey. Pray for the safety, vulnerability and skills needed to resolve the issues that may surely come up in your marriage. Pray for the wisdom and humility to hunt advice that may show you how to heal and grow together.
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Verses in regards to the joy of marriage
Prayer for a glad marriage
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