I do not know what the largest problem in relationships was before the invention of smartphones, but in today’s digital age, texting is the wrongdoer behind most problems and misunderstandings.
Women don’t seem to grasp why guys take so long to answer to texts, and men are either oblivious to all of the fuss their texting (or lack thereof) is causing, or they simply do not get what is going on on!
Trust me, I understand. I used to be guilty of waiting with bated breath for my phone to make that beloved ringtone, playing Text Detective, enduring the aching pain of a knotted stomach and my mind demanding to know: Why is he taking so long not to jot down back?… Why am I not hearing from him today, doesn’t he take into consideration me?… Why are his answers so short and vague, is he not eager about me anymore?…. Why did he initiate a conversation after which just disappear?
I asked all of the questions and had a rollercoaster of emotions and an excessive amount of pondering they produce. But why? Why are we so pumped up, stressed and anxious?
I considered this topic quite a bit and narrowed it all the way down to the highest three the reason why we ladies are so bewildered by guys’ texting habits. Here are…
1. We just don’t understand it
Reality will not be absolute, it’s created from our own experiences and the way we interpret them. We measure other people by the yardstick defined by our personal codes of conduct. For example, if a woman likes a man, she will want to text quite a bit. If this guy doesn’t text her often, she assumes that must mean he doesn’t really like her because when she likes someone, she would never, ever leave him hanging.
What many ladies find hard to grasp about men is the way in which they act after they’re working on something. Men are likely to be engrossed in whatever task is at hand, and after they are on this mode, nothing else exists outside of it. Women, then again, are much smoother and may shift gears more easily without completely losing concentration.
In addition, many studies have shown that girls primarily gain a way of price and self-esteem through interpersonal relationships. Men gain their self-esteem primarily from their ability to influence the world, from their ability to be “winners.” So within the context of texting and relationships, a girl’s head is at all times in a relationship, even when she’s at work. I remember the times after I was at work doing whatever needed to be done and talking all day to the guy I used to be dating. Most women can do it, men normally cannot (a minimum of not those with demanding jobs). A man may start texting you all day, regardless of how crazy his day is, but that only happens within the early stages of a relationship, and it’s just not sustainable in the long term.
The reason women get so frustrated is because they expect men to experience relationships the identical way they do. She wants to listen to from him in the course of the day since it makes her feel taken care of and even when she’s at work she will’t stop occupied with why he didn’t text simply to say hello or see how her day is passing. She really desires to text him because she likes him and needs to seek advice from him, but she doesn’t wish to be the instigator, so as an alternative she uses restraint and waits/hopes he’ll text her, then hits the panic button when he doesn’t.
Which brings me to the following point…
2. You think which means he doesn’t care
Men communicate otherwise than women and typically seek advice from achieve a goal or plan. A girl might get annoyed if she has a sweet, bantering way with a man after which he just stops responding, however it really does not imply anything! For her, going forwards and backwards, being sweet and flirtatious, was their way of connecting, but for him the conversation wasn’t going anywhere, and he just didn’t see the necessity to proceed responding. While a woman might get nervous and wonder if something she said turned him off, a man just goes about his day and focuses on something else and is totally oblivious to the chaos he has caused in her.
In general, men are goal-oriented while women are process-oriented. Men normally seek advice from solve an issue or give you a plan, while women prefer to talk only for the sake of talking. For women, talking is a solution to bond and connect. For men, talking is just a method to an end. For men, the standard of the time spent with the opposite person is more necessary. This is why two friends can sit on the couch watching a game and say absolutely nothing to one another and still call it man bonding. If two friends were sitting on the bus and never talking, it was because they were arguing!
In summary, when a man doesn’t respond or gives quick, short answers, it really means…nothing in any respect!
Underlying why girls get so dizzy in regards to the whole texting problem is fear. Fear that this guy is not interested, that he’ll hurt her, that he’s deceiving her or attempting to get something out of her. When we’ve got fear or faith, our psyche will try to search out evidence to support how we feel, regardless of how destructive the thought is. We all navigate the world through filter systems that absorb the knowledge we consider relevant and reject every little thing else. For example, for those who think nobody likes you, you may deal with individuals who aren’t nice to you and ignore all signs that individuals such as you.
Liking a man is horrifying, especially when the connection is within the early stages and you are not entirely sure where he stands or if he’s on the identical page as you. You feel vulnerable, you are feeling guarded, you are nervous… and you do not quite trust that this one will likely be different from the others. So you’re searching for proof that he’ll hurt you, thus confirming that you’re going to never have the ability to get the guy you wish. When you do not hear from him, it isn’t because he’s busy, it’s because he is not eager about you or texting one other girl. If he doesn’t answer your texts for hours, it isn’t because he did not have his phone around, it’s because he doesn’t think you are necessary. If his answers are short, it isn’t because he hates texting and would moderately just see you in person, it’s because he’s annoyed by you and doesn’t want you texting him anymore.
I feel you understand what is going on on. The fact is that we create our own stories, and if we allow these negative stories to persist with the purpose where we actually begin to imagine them as truth, we also create our own reality, the truth that brings our biggest fears to life.
Just consider the fellows who were into you that you just didn’t really like. I’m sure you didn’t even notice how often they texted and also you didn’t even care after they replied or what they said. There was nothing to lose…and for those who got a message from him, cool…if not, what the hell. Trust me, I understand how hard it’s to have that mentality with guys you actually like, but I would like you to see just how much of an impact the thoughts we let into our minds can have.
Solving the entire conundrum of “why men are such bad texters” really comes all the way down to working through your individual inner fears and paralyzing beliefs. When you come out on the opposite side, you will not wonder why he is not writing, you will not even notice. And for those who try this, you will not get upset and assume he doesn’t care, you may make certain that he likes you because…why would not he wish to? And if he disappears into the abyss of texting never to be heard from again, it doesn’t matter! You’ll be freed to search out another person who will see you and appreciate you for who you’re, and that is just so a lot better!