1 Corinthians 13:13 (ESV) “So now faith, hope and love abide, these three; but the best of those is love.”
It’s an everlasting struggle. The husband or wife’s “love tank” is depleted after the stress and rush of life, they usually begin to feel the pain of wanting to be loved. They hope that their spouse will do a certain thing or make a certain gesture to indicate that love, but because the days and weeks go by, that does not occur. So bitterness begins to sprout, watered down with a little bit of resentment and passive-aggressive tactics, until the fight is in full swing.
“I just want you to indicate me that you just love me!”
“But you never do XYZ.”
“But I did ABC and also you didn’t even notice!”
You know. You were there. Ultimately, it is not about one spouse ignoring the opposite or refusing to fulfill their needs; it’s mostly about one spouse not realizing what those needs are.
Enter love languages! What I like most about Gary Smalley’s love language system is that it teaches us to present love in a way that is actually received by the loved one. Nothing is wasted! No more misunderstandings, assumptions or accusations. When each spouse recognizes how the opposite person best accepts love, it is simple to inundate them with this approach to love.
1 Corinthians 16:14 (ESV) “May all that you just do be done in love.”
While nothing is ever an ideal formula, the five love languages make an awesome map for expressing our feelings. And with Valentine’s Day approaching, gift-giving might be difficult in the identical sense. What does your spouse really need?
For example, I like getting trinkets, so I actually have a natural inclination to present them! At Christmas, nothing makes me happier than receiving a present that’s tailored to my unique preferences and interests. It might be book shaped earrings, Gilmore Girls merchandise, Starbucks gift card coffee mugs or figurines from my favorite movies or novels (e.g. Alice in Wonderland, Officee.t.c.). I like arranging these lovable little Funko Pop figures on shelves within the office or workstation.
However, my husband’s worst nightmare is a bunch of knick-knacks crowding his desk! So while I like to select something funny for him from his favorite TV shows, it doesn’t work for him. A present I get enthusiastic about becomes a burden because gifts will not be his love language. However, he enjoys it once I hold a flashlight for him, when he fixes the dishwasher or accompany him on errands. That’s since it receives love higher as acts of service and helpful time.
See how easy it’s to get confused? I might need hurt my feelings because he didn’t react the best way I expected to the gift I’d chosen for him—or I might need realized he was programmed in a different way. As much as I could care less if she does the dishes for me or washes the automobile for me, I might love Lorelai Gilmore Funko. (To just assume he set himself on fire.) Ha!
When we understand one another, we will show love in ways which can be deeply appreciated and help one another replenish their “love tanks”—all 12 months long, not only on Valentine’s Day.
Proverbs 3:27 (ESV) “Do not deny good to those that are due whether it is inside your power to accomplish that.”
If we truly love our spouse, we are going to want to indicate love in ways in which he naturally accepts. When we all know they’re failing, it is not very loving to insist on doing things your way.
If you are unsure of your spouse’s love language (or your individual!), here’s a link to a free online test: https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language.
Here are some gift ideas for every of the five love languages for the proper show of affection on Valentine’s Day:
Words of affirmation
1. Gratitude Journal
Write down a couple of stuff you love about your spouse, what you think that he is nice at, etc. in a journal and provides him the book as a present. You can take it a step further and commit to writing in all of it 12 months round. They will all the time have a spot to come back back after a tough day for a positive affirmation!
2. A handwritten letter
Love letters have been popular prior to now for a reason! Pour your heart right into a handwritten love note to your spouse and wrap it like a present. They can be affected.
3. A box of compliments
Decorate a shoe box, cut a hole in the highest like a house mailbox, and write thirty stuff you love about your spouse on thirty pieces of paper. After that, each day for a month, your spouse can pull out a latest page and receive encouragement and confirmation.
Acts of service
1. Do this duty
You know the one – the one he avoids because he gets uninterested in even starting it! Maybe it’s cleansing out a spare closet, tidying up the garage, or painting the laundry room. Whatever it’s, surprise him on Valentine’s Day by doing it for him!
2. Wash his automobile
Surprise him by washing his hands and detailing his vehicle – in and out. He will adore it!
3. Arrange something he hates to do to get it done for him
If you’ll be able to afford it, surprise the Hubs this V-Day by organizing something they hate to do frequently, like three months of lawn care, a subscription to an area automobile wash, and even something so simple as committing to take over the haulage fee garbage a month.
If your spouse loves receiving gifts, nothing beats a present of chocolates, beef jerky or a couple of bags of his favorite snacks. You can sample gourmet popcorn and treats, or simply top off in your favorite candy at your local gas station.
2. Custom stuff
As I discussed earlier, Funko Pops, merchandise from his favorite series or movie, the most recent novel from the series he loves, etc. There are really no limits here! Not only will he be blissful with the gift, but he may even feel special because you will have chosen something specific to his taste to surprise him. Disclaimer – Remember that it is vital that the gifts are on purpose when giving to someone whose love language is to receive gifts. No old gift bought on the last minute will suffice. (Not something expensive, but random!) It needs to be tailored to their individual taste and preferences, otherwise the goal is not going to be hit.
1. Coupon book
Create a voucher book for helpful errands together, dog walks, park or museum visits, etc.
2. Plan a date
Give him an in depth list of dates you will invite him to! Or ask him to lock his calendar and surprise him all day with every latest trip you will have planned. FYI – Progressive dinners (you go to 1 place for an appetizer, one other for dinner, and a 3rd for dessert) are a fun option to extend your date.
3. Gift cards
Give him money for his favorite places, but bonus – you are included! Does he love Starbucks? Give him a present card together with your company promise as a package deal. Whether he’s visiting a shooting range, his favorite comic book store or a restaurant, this gift will show him that you would like to spend time with him.
1. New underwear
Nothing more must be said here! ::Wink::
2. 30 days of 30 second hugs
Men wish to cuddle too. If your spouse has been blessed with a physical touch, touch them! A voucher for thirty days of thirty-second hugs is a sweet – and cheap – gesture of recognition of his need. A half-minute hug can refuel and reunite you as a pair, in addition to replenish his personal love language reservoir.
3. Massage Gift Card
Not every touch needs to be sexual and even tender. A present card for an expert massage can really ease your spouse’s tension and be a really helpful gift. Or, to make it more personal and/or varied, gift him a multi-massage voucher book – from you!
Image credit: ©Getty Images/Rawpixel
Betsy St. Amant Haddox is the creator of over twenty romances and novellas. She lives in northern Louisiana together with her husband, two daughters, a powerful supply of coffee mugs, and one furry schnauzer. Betsy has a BA in Communications and a deep-seated passion for seeing women brought back to the reality. When she’s not writing her next book or attempting to prove that unicorns exist, Betsy might be found somewhere near an iced coffee. He works often with iBelieve.com and offers creator coaching and editorial services through Storyside LLC.