Divorce is available in all styles and sizes. There is actually no “one-size-fits-all” explanation for this harrowing experience. I’ve learned that it doesn’t at all times matter who initiated the separation, who first filed for separation, or who did what to whom – divorce hurts.
And it should. Divorce has been in comparison with two sheets of paper glued together – they can not be separated without damaging each parts.
Trust me, I’ve been there. I finally went through the dark valley of abandonment and unwanted divorce before I even hit my thirties.
Decades ago, divorce seemed a more mundane situation. Every time divorce shook the local church, it was a shock. Today, nevertheless, the divorce rate amongst Christians, although lower than amongst nonbelievers, is steadily increasing. It doesn’t even cause the identical surprise after we hear that “so-and-so” part ways.
What exactly is going on with Christian marriages? What is causing this epidemic and the way can we stop it? Can we stop it in any respect?
Here are eight explanation why so many Christian marriages fail today—and what you may do to avoid becoming a statistic:
1. We are sinners
This is the only yet deepest truth concerning the mystery of why marriages fail due to sin.
Romans 3:23 (ESV) “…for all have sinned and fall wanting the glory of God. We are all able to committing various sins against our spouse, and it’s all too easy to permit these sins to pile up. Even when the sins are directly against the spouse, it affects our marriage because unconfessed sin affects our hearts.”
Fortunately, there’s hope. 1 John 1:9 (ESV) says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and simply to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. It’s never too late to admit your sin and recover by the Holy Spirit – and in the identical vein, it’s never too late on your marriage.”
2. We treat marriage as extreme dating
Another reason Christian marriages fail is that they usually are not given the respect they deserve. Marriage shouldn’t be extreme dating. Too often, couples get engaged and marry, acting as if divorce was an option should things go south. The Woodens repeat “till death do us part” after the acting minister, but deep down they’ve an escape plan. However, the Bible says otherwise:
Genesis 2:24 (ESV) “Therefore a person will leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife so closely that they’ll develop into one flesh.”
Marriage is a single whole of two individuals. Of course, this may mean immediate conflict because each people in the connection are sinners. There will likely be quarrels. But this union is a direct image of the covenant between Christ and his Church. This mustn’t be underestimated.
3. We forget
Over the years, it is easy to forget why we fell in love. All we will see are our spouse’s annoying quirks and bad habits that drive us crazy. We forget that our spouse is a blessing to us— thing!
Proverbs 18:22 (ESV) “Whoever finds a wife finds something good and obtains favor from the Lord.”
Moreover, husbands are actually commanded to rejoice over their wives. Proverbs 5:18 (ESV) says, “Bless your source and rejoice within the wife of your youth…” While this directive is geared toward men, women may profit from the manual by remembering why they fell in love and having fun with their marriage. Slightly gratitude goes a great distance in perspective – for each parties.
4. We quit too soon
Sometimes couples quit once they needs to be getting their way and fighting for his or her marriage. Of course, there are situations where this does not apply, resembling unrepentant adultery, abuse, etc. But for a pair who feel as if they only fell out of affection and are ready to present up, they may consider this parable within the Gospel of Luke:
Luke 11:5-8 (ESV) “And he said to them: Who of you who has a friend will go to him at midnight and say to him: Friend, lend me three loaves, for my friend has come on a journey, and I even have nothing to place before him.” and he’ll reply from inside: “Don’t disturb me, the door is already closed and my children are in bed with me. I can not rise up and provide you with anything.’ Although he won’t rise up and provides him anything because he’s his friend, yet due to his audacity he’ll rise and provides him every thing he needs.’
Prayer works wonders, and it is easy to try every thing under the sun – passive-aggressive tactics, counseling, self-help books, or venting to friends – without ever going to the Lord about our marriage. Start there and pray persistently. Don’t quit too early.
5. We create conflicts amongst ourselves
Talking to yourself without love does plenty of damage, especially over time. Husbands and wives are sometimes guilty of teasing one another, but in Proverbs the directive is directed at women. Proverbs 21:9 (ESV) warns: “Better to live in a corner on the roof than in a shared house with a quarrelsome wife.” Both spouses needs to be careful with the words they speak and strive for gentleness as a substitute of anger. Taking a deep breath and tempering your temper before the interview can go a great distance in saving your marriage. Try to be someone your spouse desires to spend time with, not someone who pushes them away—then watch them start acting the identical way. Kindness is contagious.
6. We don’t understand what love really is
From an early age, we’re exposed to the worldly definition of affection, which is commonly just lust masquerading as love. True love is defined within the Bible. The Bible says that God Himself is love (1 John 4:16). 1 Corinthians also gives an inventory of examples of what love looks like:
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (ESV) “Love is patient and sort, it doesn’t envy, it doesn’t boast, it shouldn’t be smug or shameless, it shouldn’t be stubborn, it shouldn’t be easily angered, it doesn’t hold a grudge, it doesn’t rejoice in injustice, however it rejoices with the reality. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
Go through the list above and test your heart towards your spouse. Do you show patience and kindness? Do you’re feeling envious and insecure? are you naughty Annoying on a regular basis? Bitter? Start there and see what the Lord is transforming in each of you.
7. We usually are not fulfilling our biblical roles
Unfortunately, this has develop into a touchy topic due to sin and abuse, but most significantly, the Bible defines the direct roles of husbands and wives in marriage. Marriages work higher once they stay inside God’s set boundaries. Simply put, wives are commanded to be submissive and husbands are commanded to like.
Ephesians 5:24-26 (ESV) “As the Church is subject to Christ, so also wives are subject to their husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by washing her with water with the word…
This is how marriage works best. Don’t get me mistaken, that does not imply wives shouldn’t love their husbands, and husbands shouldn’t consider their wife’s thoughts and opinions when running the household. Marriage is a partnership. God told Adam within the garden that it was not good for him to be alone, that he needed help. When husbands and wives fulfill their roles as God intended, their marriage runs much smoother. When roles are reversed, abandoned or resented, the conflict deepens.
8. We don’t forgive
Our marriages will inevitably fail—or a minimum of develop into utterly unhappy—if we refuse to forgive. The Bible is stuffed with reminders of this vital element, not only in our marriages but throughout our Christian lives.
1 Peter 4:8 (ESV) “First of all, love each other sincerely, for love covers a mess of sins.”
Ephesians 4:32 (ESV) “Be kind to at least one one other, kind to at least one one other, forgiving each other as God in Christ has forgiven you.”
If we don’t forgive our spouse, we’re essentially telling them that the blood Christ shed on the cross for his or her sins was not enough to pay for what they’d done. When you discover it hard to forgive when your spouse has sinned against you, remember how much your Heavenly Father has forgiven you and act on the biblical command to forgive. You won’t ever regret it.
**Remember that forgiveness doesn’t mean forgiving what happened or opening yourself as much as sinning time and again in the identical way. It’s a special conversation. Forgiveness can have its limits, and infrequently it should.**
Regardless of the present state of your marriage, the excellent news is that there’s at all times hope. Miracles still occur. The restoration is going on. If you’re currently fighting on your marriage, have faith! If you are respiratory, there’s still a probability.
And the even higher news is that in case your marriage ends or shouldn’t be restored, you usually are not alone. Remember, the Lord your Creator is your husband:
Isaiah 54:5 (ESV) “For your husband is your Creator, his name is the Lord of Hosts, and your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel, he is named the God of all of the earth.”
Dear sister, in the event you are facing an unwanted divorce, you usually are not only a statistic. You are a baby of God and He is with you in every difficult season and dark valley. Cling to Him. And bask in His love that never fails.
Image credit: ©Getty Images/Vimvertigo
